Had lots of mood swings. Can’t even list them down or tell anyone aside from a very, very close friend whom I just needed a long virtual hug.
As a result, I’m bumming. Eat. Sleep. Letter. Watch. Music. Ah, music just soothes me. It keeps me calm. But the calming effect just lasts for an hour or two then I’ll get back dealing with ‘me’.
Me. All me. Ugh. Here I am asking myself, what’s wrong?! You seem, okay. Now that’s the problem! I’m just o-k-a-y. This is not ME.
I wanna cry out SO LOUD. I wanna weep. Just weep. My tank is already full I couldn’t handle it anymore.
TRUST. That BIG word is really not my thing. I wanna do things my own way. I wanna plan everything my way. I want it planned. I want it organized. As my friend-slash-spiritual-anchor-slash-mentor says, that’s one of the cons of being organized – you want everything in place that if shaking starts to creep in to your system you simply break down. That’s exactly what’s happening to me. God is shaking things right now.
While lettering, God impressed me His Word in Joshua:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9
Man, I wanna burst out right now! I just can’t. Didn’t have the freedom here. God is sovereign no matter what. God is here for you, for me wherever we go. He is the truly our Lord.
God, I just miss You.